What you get is what you give (sometimes)
I warn you, friends.
This is going to be a philosophical, sociological posts.
I’ve experimented envy. Envy for my brilliant intuition as a student, before, and as a professionist. Envy for my restless determination to achieve a goal once I had set it in my mind.
A special person, who I call a ‘visionary’, a ‘prophet’, said to me that I would have been envied by women all along my life.
I must admit that it has happened, and during the years of university I had more male friends than female ones. Nowadays, in my job as an engineer I interact mostly with men, and I feel at ease because there is no competition.
Today I think I am selective in choosing new friends, and maybe at the first sight I can appear a bit unfriendly just because I spend some minutes observing and interpreting the vibrations that I can get from a certain person.
But if you are able to crush my initial lack of confidence, you will discover my tender, generous side.
This artsy world enhances cooperation among generous people. You will always find the person who doesn’t give without taking something back, but up to now I have been enough lucky to find collaborative and supportive people to share my journey with.
When you feel wrong, when you think you are not enough (for what? For who?), just consider all your struggles to match your family life with your career, and with your self care.
For years I didn’t pay attention to my necessities because I was totally concentrated on growing up my children, who are my biggest treasure. I couldn’t see that life still had so much more for me.
There was enough space for my passions to grow, even if I had already forgotten about having desires and ambitions.
And it is unbelievable to me that, after being a victim of psycological abuse by narcissistic people all along my life (in family, in relationships), I’m still able to love authentically as a real highly sensitive person. I still believe in the good side of people, against any rational thought, against any doubt.
A person said to me – How can you resist in this world?
But I resist, I fight, I want to live everyday in all my potential.
Now that my wounds healed, I understand my vocation in portraiture.
My why, as an artist.
I paint my devotion. My unconditional love. My hope and my laugh. My melancholy.
If you can mirror in my paintings, if you are moved by my words, it means that we share a sparkle of the divine presence within us.
We are connected and we think that self love, acceptance and forgiveness are the first steps towards peace.
I hope you will treat you well, I hope you will be kind to yourself, I hope you will never blame you again for the things that you can’t change and that don’t depend on your behaviour.
Freedom is a bit nearer.
Can you smell its perfume? What’s the fragrance of freedom?